Wednesday, November 21, 2012

A Brief Letter on Thanksgiving.


To my vegetarian friends:

This week is Thanksgiving. I will eat some turkey. And so should you. Here's why.

Turkeys are ugly. Turkeys are mean. Turkeys are the rednecks of the animal kingdom. I've met turkeys in person and they are all jerks. I asked for directions and they just stared at me or tried to bite me.

I'm aware of the urban legend that Ben Franklin wanted to make the turkey the symbol of America based on its intelligence, but this conclusion was likely due to a poorly researched book and not first-hand experience. Most turkeys I've encountered are dumb. Can't even spell "Turkey." Sheesh.

So when I sit down to eat a turkey, you are more than willing to join me, comfortable in the knowledge that there is one less animal jerk in the world.

Thank you, and have a fun holiday of poultry murder.

Roger


This turkey is apparently a cannibal.

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